and, now.... Borderline Personality Disorder too

As if Bipolar Disorder with extreme unbreakable depression isn't enough, after some pressure, I got my psychiatrist to admit I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well. Duh. Does she think I'm stupid? I'd already figured it out. I just wanted to hear her say it.

And then she starts telling me about this great clinical trial she wants me to consider. And it's at one of the best university medical hospitals in the country. And I'm lucky enough to live within about 45 minutes of it.

Oh wait. Forget it. You have HAP HMO? They don't accept the HMO plan. Only the PPO plan. Problem is, HAP HMO is the only remaining health insurance left as a benefit at my husband's employer. They have cut and cut, until that crappy plan is the only thing left. And it has a huge bias AGAINST mental health care. I get a lousy 20 visits for an ENTIRE year. That is for my therapist and my pyschiatrist combined. I don't know what they expect me to do the other weeks of the year. I'll just show them up for the nickle and diming bastards they are. I'll go inpatient every chance I get. They can be hypocritically penny wise and pound foolish. JUST LET ME SEE MY THERAPIST WHEN I NEED TO. THEN I WON'T HAVE TO CUT UP MY ARMS TO GET INTO THE HOSPITAL, TO HAVE DAILY ACCESS TO MY PSYCHIATRIST. They are so stupid. It costs more money to them that way. And they don't care if I die.

And I've gained 40 lbs in one year on Lithium. I got a little mini-lecture about that. Hey doc, I'm one step ahead of you once again. I joined a gym a month ago. And when I asked to go back on Topamax because it is also an appetite suppressant, turns out it would interact very badly with my other six meds, and I'd do renal damage. She said I have to work really hard at increasing my metobolism, since I can't take appetite suppressants. And then the best news of all - it will take 3-4 months before I even start to lose any weight! Oh that's just peachy. What else can you hit me with today?

I'm signing off for now. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood when next you hear from me.